dear ashtanga,

dear ashtanga,
i'm really sorry i broke up with you. i have missed you, and this morning made me realize that i want to commit to you again... under your terms~ i promise i won't cheat and listen to music and close my eyes~ i promise to be there 6 days a week to watch the sun come up with you... and on the new moon and full moon to take time out and be gentle to myself. i realize that for me, a disciplined and consistent practice that does not change is necessary for a firm foundation of finding balance between aversion and attraction, judgement and knowing, and holding on, and letting go,.... for once practice establishes a firm foundation, then i can play with asana and music and dance... but without that disciplined consistency the mind is much more difficult to reel in and the body will not be as strong and steady if this commitment to practice is maintained. thank you ashtanga for taking me back and accepting me as i am... and most of all ashtanga, thank you for never changing~

letting go~part 1

~when you train to be a lifeguard they teach you that a drowning person will try to pull you down with them.... ~compassion for others does not include allowing yourself to be pulled into the whirlpool...
~we have all heard of people drowning while attempting to save someone else from drowning...
~some people think that you are strong if you can hold on- but it is the letting go that takes the most strength...
~we all learn how to hold on... but how do we learn to "let go"?
~how do we learn where compassion and kindness ends and co-dependence begins?~~~

the role of self acceptance in obtaining enlightenment~part 2

awareness... the first step to self acceptance, so how do we become aware? and of what?... our 'self', our subconscious existence and how our mind works? yes, i think that's it. when i first began to meditate i was trained to 'push my thoughts away'... if a thought arose, push it away until eventually your mind becomes clear. but this is not how the ancient yogic texts or tibetan buddhism teaches meditation. these traditions teach us to allow our thoughts to rise to the surface and face them and allow them to stay out in the open and not to push them away or push them down, even and most especially if they are what we may consider 'bad'.  yogic tradition teaches that this denial of what we consider to be 'bad' thoughts or emotions only creates illness and disease. but what if the thoughts that arise are of fear, jealously, anger or even hate? are these really emotions we want to allow to 'rise to the surface' and 'sit with'?  yes, these are simply manifestations of the human mind. they are forms of energy that developed over time due to our past experiences. they are not to be considered 'good' or 'bad',  but simply as a manifestation of our subconscious mind. 
acknowledgement and acceptance of these parts of us are our path toward self acceptance and towards enlightenment. often times it is the suppression or repression of these emotions that keep us from self acceptance and from progressing on our spiritual path.  hey- we are good, and kind and loving, right? so we hold on to that and suppress what we acknowledge as 'bad'. but these aspects of our self is essential to 'self knowledge' and to self acceptance. without allowing these thoughts and emotions to rise to the surface and accepting them without judgement we will ever be prisoner to them and never will we be purified of them. rather than pushing these thoughts and emotions away we are instructed to 'sit with them', accept them, and allow them to remain in our awareness. and the teachings say only in this way, although yes- emotionally painful, can we achieve self acceptance and further our journey on the spiritual path- perhaps even advancing us on the road to enlightenment~

the role of self acceptance in obtaining enlightenment~ part 1

so what’s your biggest obstacle in obtaining enlightenment? blocked nadis?, the granthis?, closed chakras?, slumbering kundalini? how about self acceptance? that’s right, ancient yogic tradition teaches the value of self acceptance for one who treds the spiritual path. the path of yoga, as the path of any spiritual practice begins where you are at. if all our character flaws and neurotic tendencies were already perfected, what would be the need of practice? if we were already ‘perfect’ we would already be in perfect union with ‘the divine’.  the physical practice of yoga asana is a preparation for meditation. physically we need to be able to sit for a period of time to meditate, and this requires a strength of the back and legs. yogic tradition teaches that lack of self acceptance results in illness, and so surely this cannot promote our path towards enlightenment. but how do we stop judging the flaws we see within ourselves? often we think we accept the flaws in others although we fail to accept the flaws within ourselves.  this however is self deception, for we cannot truly be accepting of others if we are not first accepting of ourselves. it is said that without self acceptance one can never fulfill their purpose in this life, so without self acceptance how can our life ‘have purpose’? and how, if we do not already, become accepting of our ‘self’? as with all journeys, it begins with the first step, and this step is awareness.